Words of blue are my own, my thoughts and my commentary. I will only comment to the best that my memory will allow, and I am sure that it may not be 100% correct. After being sent home to die, my mother, Tammy Faye Fuson, (maiden name: Golden) tried to write a journal and some personal letters. The notebook that she wrote in is getting old, but I will try to take care of it. I want to rewrite what she did, for the sake of protection of her words.
April 19, 2001
Here I am back from the hospital. This is my first night at 12:59 AM. Harold is in the other bed snoring. It is a welcome sound. It feels like home.
I have on a little light that Donald and Sarah Bell Petro gave us. (They lived about a mile away and were acquaintances) I went to the kitchen to get a juice drink from the box. I believe she had medicinal juice that was stored in a Styrofoam box. I stopped by the loveseat to turn down the heat + when I stepped on the loveseat I banged my head on the wall + felt dizzy. We lived in an old mobile home, the thermostat for the furnace was in the living room, unusually high up on the wall, my mother, being short (5’2”) needed to step up on to the furniture to reach it. They would all be mad if they knew that me. (that I did that)
I will try to write a little every day. I wish that I had kept a journal for the last 2 years. This is roughly how long she had been struggling with cancer. When they put this tube in my side, I was partially awake + I felt it. I had to swallow something, then I felt him (the surgeon) pop the tube through my skin + I told him that it hurt. Oh well, it is over.
Kathy, Gary + Melissa came over, Evelyn, Anita, Donald, Sarah Bell + Crystal Petro + her son. Friends, neighbors and family.
Kathy said that Donna + Eddie want to come over down to see me. I said good + uncle Ronnie does. I don’t remember who Donna and Eddie were, uncle Ronnie is my great uncle and brother of my maternal grandmother.
Well I need to go, Getting tired. During this last part, her handwriting is shaky and barely legible.
April 20, 2001 the 0 on the paper has a vertical strike through it.
It is 12:59 AM I just used the port-a-pot a bedside toilet and video taped Harold snoring. Kind of an ongoing joke between mom and dad that he did not snore, and when she borrowed a video camera to tape some things, she wanted to tape dad snoring as proof that he does indeed snore. I feel a little queasy at my stomach, so I took a couple sips of water.
My time is very precious time. God has blessed me to see Uncle Ronnie, Aunt Gladys, Boo (Their son and her 1st cousin, Charles Bays) Susie, Rhonda, Evelyn, Jerry, Veronica, Terry, (Evelyn= next door neighbor and cousin, the rest are her kids) E.J.(Watkins, cousin) Debbie + Jack today. Debbie is cousin, Jack, her husband and pastor of the church we attended at the time.
Of course my dear Mom, Faye Brewer Harold, Husband of 15 ½ years and the boys. Myself, Billy Fuson age 14 at the time and my younger brother Mackenzie Fuson age 13. I think Connie came over too. Next door neighbor on the other side and somewhat distant cousin, 3rd or 4th.
Kim, Paula + the kids are supposed to be over tomorrow. Kim and Paula are Mom’s sisters, the kids she refers to are Kim’s. I hope we get some good footage of them. Harold Lee, Gerri + the baby are supposed to be up sometime, too. Harold Lee Fuson, Her stepson and my half-brother, Geri his wife, the baby was Alexis Leeann Fuson, whom she considered to be her grandchild as well at the time.
This bedroom looks like a hospital room, I have an I.V. hooked up to me and medicines and supplies scattered everywhere.
God helped me today to not cry and I picked out my funeral. The guy from Dove + Sharp came out+ I picked out a pretty, white casket with a pink lining + it will have John 3:16 on the lid. I hope that whoever is lost, may read that + even through my death they may see the light, His light. Well, I gotta go. I am going to write some personal letters now.
April 20, 2001 Another vertical strike through the 0.
Hello, it is 11:05 PM almost April 21, 2001.
Kim, Paula, + the kids came over, I had fun filming them. Kim + I had a crying session in the bedroom. She told me that she loved me + that she wished it was her dying instead of instead. Cross out was scribbled out on the page. I told her that she still has little kids and my mine are 13 + 14 and they have a daddy to take care of them. Her husband was in prison and she was in the process of divorce. Harold Lee + I also had a heart-to-heart. I told him I put down him, his sisters, Billy + Mackenzie down as all my children for my Eulogy. Her writing is becoming less legible at this point, so there may be some minor error to the next part. I picked out my casket too. I also told them I had a granddaughter too, named Alexis. It is hard to write in this dim light. I vomited twice today + the Dr. told me, eat just ice chips. I hope someone can read this sloppy mess. I would rather tape it up on the illegible word. Well I need to go to write some letters. We are going to the Indy Zoo tomorrow and I hope we all have fun.
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